53 Things I Learned in 2014

An entire year with nary a post save one, at the very end? O, how the bright-eyed girl of 43 who was posting multiple times per day in 2004 would have laughed had you told her this!

Without further ado, we continue this new twist on a 10-year-old tradition with 53 things I learned this year—one thing for each year I am old.

What will the new year bring? What won’t it, amirite?

Hair we go again.
What I really need is so much better than what I think I do.
They have that 110-lb. Blood-Donor Rule for a reason.
Giving talks is still fun.
But not as much fun as watching people get it.
Dogs will change your life.
And, sometimes, your livelihood.
And always, your capacity to be patient.
Take the f*cking donuts.
Releasing books almost beats reading them.
Helping your friends make jam is the new helping your friends make quilts.
There’s a difference between not doing something wrong and seeking to do things right.
It’s all the difference.
William Trevor is dark in the good way.
An evening’s walk in the desert is as relaxing as a week’s stay in many places.
Vegas, however….
You never know where your next pen pal may come from.
Accidents make the best popsicles.
Theater is one of the smartest things I can say “yes” to.
Especially as it yields hidden treasures.
Cleaning ladies earn every cent of their money.
My new-favorite blogs are all newsletters.
I am absolutely, positively not a copywriter.
For hire.
Making art feels like making love—to yourself.
And you don’t need a nap afterward.
Although naps are awesome!
Cauliflower is God’s gift to the gut-afflicted.
All the juices just wish they were watermelon & lime juice.
I am adjacent to too much love and greatness not to have done something right.
Spas are not actually torture chambers.
Just when you’ve given up hope, a savior appears.
And I’m not talking about Angelina Jolie.
Although she is awesome!
Just when you thought you knew everything, bacon in the oven!
I finally get that Chinese saying about being responsible for the life you save.
I also finally get why giving is better.
Especially when you don’t feel like it.
Nobody wants a bald chick on their jury panel.
Su-u-uddenly, Scanpan.
If Rob Brezsny didn’t exist, we’d have to forecast him.
You do not have to have hair like a girl to dress like one.
I do not miss auditioning.
I always miss acting.
It’s a good thing zoodles are not on the side of evil.
It may take 43 years, but one can resuscitate a love of dorky holiday traditions.
My sister was raised right.
The first step in getting to the Beverly Center is knowing where you are right now.
The best day to write is everyday.
The best day to start doing it is today.
Or the today that was your 53rd birthday.
Eyeball beans really do make for a better 12 months.
Eventually, even your crickity YouTube video will be legitimized by a #TBT.